So while I was all prepared to be the non-judgmental friend once I landed in San Diego, something happened on the plane ride there: I realized that NONE of my friends could possibly be as bad as this woman, sitting next to me with her two-year-old.
Acceptable: Reading books to your baby, quietly, to keep him occupied.
Unacceptable: Singing the books to your baby.
Acceptable: Asking for a specific drink for your baby.
Unacceptable: Refusing to participate in the trash collection at the end of the flight because he “needs to eat all his ice.”
Acceptable: Apologizing to your neighbor when your toddler throws a hardcover book at her face.
Unacceptable: Giving the book back to the toddler.
Acceptable: Playing a DVD for your baby.
Unacceptable: Singing along to the Barney DVD (by the way, this woman was my age, and I thought our generation came of age in the “Barney is stupid” phase—haven’t we moved on to something more hip? Or at least retro-chic, like Sesame Street?) and refusing to turn the machine off as the plane is preparing to land, because “he’s watching it.”
Acceptable: Breastfeeding
Unacceptable: Breastfeeding the same child who had been chomping on ice the whole flight and just ate a handful of peanuts.
(Lindi’s response to this, by the way, was, “What if the baby chokes on the nuts while it’s drinking?” which wasn’t exactly why I brought it up.)
So there you have it. I hope every single one of my friends takes the attitude of this woman—screw it all, because you’re going to be judged regardless of the decisions you make as a mother. And, frankly, this woman was only really being judged by the childless bitch sitting next to her, and, really, what does that matter? To all my newer mommies: Screw them all. Your kids are going to turn out fine.
But if you breastfeed to the point that there’s a chance your kid could bite your nipple off, my judgment won’t be silent.
