We elect you because of what you say about tax breaks

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford had a strange, unscripted news conference today, at which he admitted to cheating on his wife. In Argentina. Like, yesterday.

While he was at it, he basically acknowledged the end of his political future, not resigning from office, but at least resigning as head of the Republican Governors.

He’d been missing for a few days... as in, REALLY no one knew where he was, not even his staff. Not even his wife. Then they all decided he was probably somewhere on the Appalachian Trail, writing, because that was a logical explanation. Then they said he’d be coming home early, because of all this brouhaha about his disappearance. Thanks a lot for ruining his vacation.

And, as far as I can tell, it was said brouhaha that led him to confess his affair. So far as I can tell, no one had brought up the affair. No one had accused him of doing anything particularly sneaky during his away time. The only thing that was suspicious at all was the fact that he didn’t tell anyone where he was going. In fact, I’d be willing to say that if he had just said, “I’ll be in Argentina next week, visiting an old friend,” today’s events would have never transpired.

Instead, he flew back and told everyone where he was and what he’d been doing. He was the kid who blurts out everything he did while his parents are away, either out of fear they’ll find out later or because he just couldn’t live with the guilt. I mean, he JUST GOT BACK.

This all comes, of course, on the heels of the Jon and Kate debacle, which took months to unfold and left me a little bit stunned and feeling hollow every time I see photos of the family or TV footage. (You know, cable channels beyond Bravo are now running full shows about the family. Jon & Kate: Is It Too Late? was on again last night, and I was like, yeah, I think we already know the answer....)

I know I’m supposed to be laughing at the people who are taking the divorce of Jon and Kate personally. But this is reality TV at its most real, right? While most of the reality crap achieves a perfect arc (a dinner party to which you’ve invited your enemy, who is also the final cast member of the show, concludes with The Confession We’ve Been Waiting for All Season), this couple announced a divorce three episodes into a 40-episode season. Any friend or family member would, at this point, stop extending joint dinner invitations, sending anniversary cards or giving Christmas presents addressed to both of them at this point. But America is no caring friend, and Bravo is no landlord who’s going to let you break the lease because of extenuating personal circumstance. The Gosselins have another 37 episodes to go in their contract — the same contract that affords them that house, with the same cable network that pushes promotional opportunities their way so all their kids can get new playhouses.

All this sympathy for the Gosselins, because we held them to a higher standard. This is what they get.

And all this hoopla over Mark Sanford, because we “held him to a higher standard.” This is what he gets.

The saddest part of the Gosselin saga, I think, is that they have to stay on TV.

The saddest part of the Sanford saga is the idea that this should at all affect his career. South Carolina has enough problems, and, yes, having him as governor is one of them. But not because he has a mistress.

I kind of highly doubt many people in South Carolina get a pit in their stomach when they think about the end of Mark Sanford’s marriage and what it must be doing to his family.

And now that the dichotomy’s been shoved in our faces, why not just acknowledge that politicians cheating on their wives doesn’t affect us in the slightest?